As marriage starts off, it can be scary and exciting all at the same time. It is this new excitement that keeps us wanting to do more for our spouse, to show enormous amounts of love, have lots of sexy time and enjoy every moment together. So what happens when that honey moon phase wears off? Well it does not have to and it should not. The longer you and your spouse are together the more intimate your relationship should grow.
How do you do this you ask? Lots of prayer, lots of love, Lots of love-making and lots of grace. No one is perfect, however, we can absolutely try to be our best, do our best and give our best in everything we do, including our marriage. If you feel that your marriage could be better, do not wait for your spouse to change or make the first move. You both may be waiting for the same thing and you could be waiting a very long time, so dive in and just do your best to love your spouse. Here are some key points to help you and your spouse on your journey to a lasting intimate marriage:
1. Are you and your spouse intimate everyday?
I just read a post by Arden Dier, of USA Today about a study that says, “Couples who are having sex once a week is just about perfect.” Yup, that is a new study based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans gathered over 40 years, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. WHAT?!?!?!? I’m Sorry but once a week is NOT even remotely ok! That is just the most depressing study I have ever read. How much sexy time should we be having? Well hopefully as much as each of the spouses need. Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
So what about not enough time in the day, needing to rest and wanting to sleep? Well those are all very important but our spouse is so much more important. We can definitely make the time, rest later, and sleep a little less. It is not going to kill us, it is going to make us intimately closer and show our spouse that we want to be close to them. Show your spouse that you want to enhance their life and your marriage every single day and continue to pursue your spouse every day. There is no excuse that is more important than intimacy with your spouse.
2. How are you serving your spouse?
Serving our spouse is thinking of their needs with pure intentional love. What does it mean to serve your spouse? Does it mean being their slave? Absolutely not. Does it mean being a door mat? Of course not. What it means in a biblical sense, is to serve our spouse the way Christ served his disciples, with pure love and humility. We need to think of our spouse often, and of ways we can serve them without expecting something in return. Never give with the intention of getting something back. Give selflessly and wholeheartedly and you will never be disappointed.
Why should we serve our spouse? Because we love them and want them to know we love them and want them to feel our love for them. We need to make it a daily habit to ask ourselves what we have done to make our spouse feel special, to feel loved, to take some stress off of their shoulders, to make them smile, to let them know they are completely safe in this marriage and know that neither one of us ever want to be anywhere else. Then repeat #1 😉
3. Are you praying for/with your spouse?
Pray for and with your spouse daily. Why? Because prayer reminds us of the unity we have with Christ and our spouse. It changes the way we think about each other by reminding us how much we love, value and want the best for our spouse. It allows us to put our spouses needs before our own. When we pray together we can pray that both of us are led by God. That both of us feel peace and joy, that stress is lifted from our lives. We can pray that we will both be protected from harm and temptations. We can pray for each others health. For ways that we can lift each other up and support and encourage each other. To be there for each other, and to just listen. Pray for a forgiving heart and for understanding. This is a true act of intimacy and selflessness.
4. Are you showing love, forgiveness and grace to your spouse?
Be a loving spouse. We need to show our spouse love everyday. Text them often if time permits. Write them love notes and leave them where they’ll find it later so they can think of us and know that we were thinking of them. Make them a special meal to come home to after a long hard day at work. Go on a walk with them. Ask them about their day, ask what you can do to make their day better.
Be a forgiving spouse. No one is perfect, our spouse is not perfect and we are not perfect. As individuals, we can not expect everything to go our way all the time, life just does not work that way. We must have a forgiving heart. We expect to be forgiven and hope to be forgiven when we make mistakes or say things we do not mean, so we intern must forgive our spouse. Many of us may feel that it is our right to hold a grudge, to stay angry or give the silent treatment, but it’s not healthy to hold anger and hurt in our hearts. We are told to forgive as God forgave us. It is definitely not as easy as it sounds but going back to #3. will give you the strength and clarity of why you need to have a forgiving heart.
I would like to recommend a book that I think every couple should read. It is called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. It a is great book to read with your spouse, learning what each of your love languages are and how to fill your spouses love tank. You can click on the link above to get your copy today!
Thank your for reading my post, feel free to comment or message me if you have any questions. I love hearing from you!! Blessings to all of you.
Pursue your spouse daily, love your spouse unconditionally and make intimacy a priority.
Adam and Eva Savageau